Kematian Yang Menghidupkan


Kalau kematian seorang murabbi itu bisa mendatangkan sayu sebegini
Kalau kematian seorang ulama' itu sudah sesedih begini
Bagaimana agaknya suasana kala kematian junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad kita?
Mati itu pasti, tapi biarlah kematian itu menghidupkan.
Apakah amalan baik kita cukup?
Apakah amalan buruk kita sudah dilupuskan?


Not forgetting the three innocent lives of Chapel Hill shooting

Discover Kenyir


I went to Kenyir right after I reached home from Kedah. I got a few hours of sleep to top up the sleep that I had during the bus journey from Alor Setar to home. We reached Pengkalan Gawi at 2pm and the boat from the rest house picked us up there. The journey was about 20 minutes from Pengkalan Gawi.

I was scared because I did not know the depth of the lake as I cannot see the bottom of the lake. The water was greenish blue and compared to the sea, where I can see what are inside but Kenyir offers me nothing to see. So, it was scary. I imagined a lot of things, since I heard rumours that there is a big fish with the name of Arapaima Gigas who eats meat and it can go as long as 5 metres but I after I googled about the fish, it seems that the fish does not eat human. Haha. Phew.

Tasik Kenyir is suitable for those who are seeking for serenity and run away from the world. Well, it is hard to get phone signal. I wasted my internet subscription for that day. The weather was nice too. It was chilling. At night, I literally did not want to get out from my blanket and used two blankets when I was sleeping.

We did nothing much on the first day. My uncle tried to fish but there was not much fish appeared since the level of water was pretty high. The boatman said that, it is better to come during hot and dry season which is around August to September because the water level is a bit lower so the fish will appear.

The next day, after checking out from the rest house, we went for an adventure to Lasir Waterfall. The journey was boring, I almost fell asleep. It took about an hour by boat across the same scary lake. Fortunately, the an hour journey was totally worth it. Lasir Waterfall is beyond imagination, and I can say that it is the most beautiful waterfall so far.

The boatman parked the boat, so we got down and discovered the place. The water is still greenish blue but this time I can see what is in there. There are a lot of rocks and fish. We spent about an hour there. We explored the place. We went up to the suspension bridge and found abandoned place. The buildings are well built but there were not much people come to this place.

After exploring the place, we had our lunch there. My aunts prepared lunch for us. Uh! I forgot to mention, my parents were not there. They left us with our uncles and aunts since there were a lot of things going on that particular week. Then, my brothers, cousins and uncle had a dip in the river. The water was cool and chilly. 

After an hour, we started packing back and went back to the mainland. On the way back, we stopped at Pulau Herba. They provided some herb drinks which I did not dare to try. There were Kacip Fatimah, Tongkat Ali and one more drink that-I-forgot-the-name.

After roaming around the Pulau Herba trying to read those herb trees that were scattered there, we went home. It was fun and I love the place except for the scary lake. 

My Lost



It's me again. I lost my grandfather last week. Exactly the same day as today, Tuesday. I do not know, should I consider myself lucky? Because I was not there when we lost him. Being away from reality helps me to digest the news. I was at Kedah for a workshop. Ibu called me when I felt really exhausted after a day of workshop. I was at the hostel and my friends were deciding about dinner. The moment, I received the news I just said "Ooo..."

Then, I asked Ibu, "Tanam bila?"
"Esok pukul 11."

I was thinking of going back but the workshop had been planned for months, I could not just go home and left everything. So, I stayed and kept it from everyone else. I am a person who do not know how to tell sad news. I just told my best friend through whatsapp and he is the kind who does not say much too.  

I always do that, I can only tell people that someone's died through texts. This time was Tok Ayah from Ayah's side. Before this, when Tok Ayah from Ibu's side passed away, I received the news from my cousin when I was on my way to the exam hall. I just kept it to myself. A year before Tok Ayah, I received a news when I was alone in my hostel that Wan from Ayah's side had gone. That time I cried but that was because I was alone.

Time helps me a lot and being far away from the reality too.

After I got the news, we went out for dinner and straight to a meeting. I had to focus for three more days before facing the reality. 

The same morning, I arrived home, we went to the kubur. I tried hard to not cry because crying will just make it worse. I just can't imagine, how bad will I be if I was there whenever Wan was buried, whenever Tok Ayah was buried and whenever Tok Ayah also was buried.

I think, it is a blessing that I was not there for those three times because I can't handle it.


Tok Ayah Ismail
Tok Ayah Mohd Noor

and also Tok Chik who I wish to meet in Heaven, insyaAllah.

From your granddaughter