Baby Adult

20:23

I have officially started my real teaching career last week, May 2nd, 2017. That will be the date when I will celebrate my teaching career. InsyaAllah, if Allah wills, I should have another 36 years to go but, who knows I might be marrying a rich guy and can survive with my pension at the age of 40. Oh keep dreaming Fina! But, I love teaching, I cannot see myself doing another job. 

This place is so alien for me. It is 5 hours away from my hometown. I have never imagined being sent here. Heck, I did not even apply for this state. It feels so surreal and honestly, I always feel like I want to cry everytime I am on my way home for the past two weeks.

For now, I am baby adulting. I live like an adult but at the same time, I am still crawling. My allowance, petrol and even my car are paid by my lovely parents. They even came here to set up my room and house. The room was totally empty but now it is quite comfortable for me to live here. Bless them. I will always pray that Allah will reward them because they truly deserve it for raising me and always do their best to make me comfortable. 

Oh shoot, I want to cry now. I should call Ibu now. Later!

Love Yourself

09:50

Honestly, I do not know the meaning of "love yourself" or the techniques to do it. Well, when you learn a theory, you should understand the concept first. So, I have encountered a few writings that speak about loving yourself. 

I think loving yourself means that you love yourself without being dependent on other entity. You love yourself enough for you to become better from day to day.

I just turned 24 yesterday and as I got older I have realized that I should not be depending on others to make me happy. If I want to be happy, it all should start from myself. All the best Fina!

Secret vs Private

17:51

I'm going to be 24 soon and I have never been in any romantic relationship. I almost had been in a relationship, one time. It was during school, so I did not want to commit because being a good girl I am, I wanted to focus on my study. Besides, there was a big fuss about "It's haram to be a pair of couple." So he said, it's okay he would wait but, never trust a promise made by a 16 year old guy, he got a girlfriend later.

Well, I used to think it's haram. I was thinking to go on arranged marriage but for now I don't think so. If I want to start a relationship now, it is with the intention of getting married not just to "test the water". At least, I need to know the person a bit although most people are saying that the person before and after marriage is 180 degree different. Yes there must be differences but, at least I will know if we do have the chemistry or not. Anyhoo, I do not agree about meeting constantly and just two of us going out and going home so late at night. 

My parents also do not like the kind of couples where they go to the family gathering, weddings or travelling together. For them, it is inappropriate. It is also not appropriate to be in a relationship for such a long period because they know that when you love someone, you will always want to show your affection through your gesture and sometime, you accidentally do something that is inappropriate. Well, you know, sometime, you have the tension of wanting to touch your not-yet-married partner.

Today, I received a news from my coursemate. She invited us to her wedding which is in two weeks. She has not given us any clue at all and out of sudden, BAM! "Hey, I'm getting married!"

I'm so going to do that. I want the kind of relationship that is subtle. You only tell your close friend about you seeing someone and then when your wedding date is confirmed, then you announce it to your acquaintances and then after getting married you announce it to the world! Still, after getting married, you keep it low. You do not keep your marriage as a secret but keep it privately.

I do not think that I'm getting married this year anyway since like there is no single soul who is interested in me but, things can turn out differently and quickly. Who knows? Allah is Great!


One day you will meet someone who means the world to you and you mean the world to him



Love, Fina.